I said.

It`s GOODBYE For Now.

And so I`m leaving.

I have thought about this just earlier this morning. I don`t want to expose myself too much anymore. I want to spend this time only with myself, and accomplish a lot of things, do a lot of activities without involving anyone. I want this summer to be larger than life--- I want this summer to be the turning point of my life.

I`m being so confused with who to trust lately. The longer I think about it, the more everyone has to be doubted, the more things get so obscure. I`ve been involved in fights, I`ve been judged, I`ve been hurt by simply everyone around me--- now isn`t that a good reason to leave?

Unfortunately, I have to learn things the hard way. Up to this moment, I still feel betrayed, hurt, and used. I don`t know how to move on from it.

So I thought, I`d just seclude myself to everyone, even just for the meantime. I know myself--- I change my mind as easy as I decided upon it. Maybe I`ll realize I need the whole lot for me to move on, or maybe not. Maybe I have to go back, maybe this wasn`t the right choice.

But either way, I`ll be brand new. I`ll be somebody whose outside, still like the same, but deep inside, a whole new person. I`ll be overhauled. ;)

And so, this is the end for this blog. I am not for public viewing anymore. God only knows where to find me--- or should I say, you can find me only if I want you to find me. ;)

I have my luggage ready, I packed all stuffs. My life at this moment is so organized and planned. I don`t want anybody to take away this opportunity for me to prove that I can accomplish things better only with my own help. I can improve without asking help from friends--- and I can sort out the real ones from bad. I`ll move on from this day on.

It`s been a fun trip here in this blog. I enjoyed writing entries, reading your comments, sharing a life with all of you. For now, it`s goodbye. I`ll see y`all when I see you. :)

BIALOVESSEVENTEEN.BLOGSPOT.COM IS NOW OFFICIALLY CLOSED.

2:33 PM
|

agenda.

My agenda this summer is to improve myself and to laugh hardest. When I was thinking bout it before the end of term, I was so excited--- damn, this is not your usual summer agenda! Going to beach wasn`t on my list either, though I have lotsa places I wanna go in my mind. I want this summer to be something irreplaceable and unforgettable--- not my usual summer. I want to experience a lot of new things, go crazy and wild on night-outs, taste something unusual, do something I`ve never done before. Gaaah. Oh summer.

Now I`m keeping a diary again. How I missed writing on those. But this time, it`s not the usual what-happened-today type--- I want it to be full of far-fetched thoughts, plans, check list. I want it to be colorful and memorable at the same time. I have it small, so I can bring it along everytime. There I`ll jot whatever it is that comes in my mind. :)

See now, it`s raining. Raining hard on a hott summer day. Oh yea, something unusual. ;)

How bout you guys? What`s your summer agenda? :)

5:47 PM
|

bleh. haha.

I still ~~can`t write~~ anything. :)

Last night, before I go to sleep, I am so determined to write something to update this blog and get rid of the previous post. I have a lot of stories to share, lotsa thoughts for all of you to think, too--- but now it`s all gone. BAAHHHH. I`m so dimwit. :)

Okay, let`s try to get started. :D

First of all, I really wanna get rid of all I-love-him shits I`ve been posting. Oh, give them a break Bia. Honestly, love is all I`m living for. I dunno, it`s just the way I am. Always been raving about crushes and love. Hay naku, if you`re with me, I can talk about my crush the whole day. Promise, the whole day. With no pause. Nakakarindi. :))

And it`s too much it`s such a problem. Bleh. I said before, as long as I maintain good grades, it`s okay to blab about it.

But, oh damn. That`s just so wrong. I became like someone who has nothing else in mind but love, nothing else to rave about but love. Life is nothing like love. Something like that. EEW. :))

Nothing really makes me cry but love. Other people. People, people. Nothing makes me happiest but love, too. Other people. People, people.

And I realized, I`ve always depended my happiness to other people.

Baah. Here I go. This is something I really should improve upon. :D

I should stop, stop depending on others. Thinking of others too much. Living for others. Loving others too much.

And just when I thought I`ve loved myself enough, I still didn`t. I always want my friends and family around, or else I`d be silent. Or else I won`t be hyper, silly, funny. Or else I`d be alone, then ~~sad~~.

Oh, too much. Let`s improve this. ;)

1:51 PM
|

tanga aco. sya din.

I`ve been seeing a lot of number 17 everywhere it became soooooo freaky. I know I asked Papa God a sign, "Nako Papa God, pag napuno ng 17 ang buhay co...", but I forgot what would that mean! ARRGH.

And, tell me I`m OA or whatev, pero I`m having this feeling that I need not to do anything anymore (for Kolja Boy), cos all the forces of nature are the ones making the way for us. Super corny I know, pero that`s really what I feel! It`s like Mother Nature whispering to me, "Anak, kalma ka na. Kami na bahala".

And all these things, my life being filled with so much 17, Mother Nature whispering, is soooo confusing I dunno what to think. And since it was finals, I concentrated on reviewing and completing the requirements, so it`s easy to brush off the thought.

Then one day, it hit me. It hit me so suddenly, so strong, I stumbled, fell, caught of guard, and was not able to respond.

And so this is the story of one of the biggest ~~regrets~~ of my life. :)

Finals, day 1. Class rep was out, our exam in Chem01 was postponed because we don`t have the permits yet. And then, a blockmate of ours, took the liberty of organizing the whole thing. Then he forwarded our clearances to the Finance without having it signed sa Registrar`s pala. SUPER GULO. ~~SUPER PROBLEM~~. So I fixed it myself, with Martina, kasi the class rep, when she came back and heard all these, went to us so furious. Ayun.

Saktong pagpasok ko ng window namin (per course and window) ng Registrar`s, pumasok sa kabila sina Kolja Boy. Super destiny! Nyaha. Nagulat aco nun ;)

Then, sabay din kaming nagpunta ng Finance. And super horrendous ng scene. Parang gubat sa sobrang init, gulo, siksikan. STAMPEDE. :)

MOMENT: If he`s not staring, he`s glancing. It`s so freaky!! I dunno what to do. Buti na lang my senses are still open that time, I was able to act like the usual bubbly me, throwing off banats kahit siksikan na.

Then umalis na sila. Yun. :)

Part 2. The Perfect Moment. :)

Crysel asked kung pwede namin syang samahang kunin yung permit nya, after na ng Eng02 exam. So yun. Pagbaba namin, saktong pagtapat sa gate ng 3rd street, he (Kolja Boy) was there, papasok, and heading towards the Finance din. BOOM. Okay, calm down, Bia. :)

Eto na.

Ka-engotan # 1: I waited outside the window while Martina and the others went in to get their permits. She asked me din kasi if I could text her friend. Pain in the ass pa din ang pagte-text sa bagong phone, hindi pa co sanay ee, so naturally, mabagal acong mag-text. Then sya (si Kolja) was just in front of me (of course a few feet away) with his friend. Of course I know he was always glacing at me (never assuming [yet. nyaha], don`t ask me why). Then pagpasok nung friend nya, I was soooooooo surprised.

He cleared his throat, and walked (almost dramatically) towards me.

Then he stood up beside me.

WAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :))

As in, BESIDE ME. Beside, beside--- super beside me. Sa sobrang lapit, I can feel his arm brushing into mine. Err. Excuse me? :) (correction: in case. he didn`t say excuse me. it was part of the kwento. :))

Then I made me texting an excuse to not react at all. As in kunwari, hindi sya tumabi. And it was such a long time. I dunno what he was doing! But I`m so sure he`s looking at me. Even staring. Waiting for something. Well, kung yung phone co yung tinitingnan nya, TI mo. Eto na o.

Sobrang tagal nya talaga, I`m getting tensed. I mean--- hello, ang luwag luwag na ng Finance, you can run around it, pero of all the places naman, sa tabi co pa nya natripan tumayo.

You`re WEIRDO, KB. :)

Ee Martina`s friend replied. So I went to her, leaving him standing there. He then followed, then sat on a monoblock outside the window.

Then I went to Ma and the others, which was diagonally away from him, couple of feet. I sat on a monoblock, then talked to the others casually.

Stare-glance-stare ang drama. At eto pa ha--- when I`ll look at him, he`ll never look away. He`s holding the stare. Syempre aco naman I`ll look away kasi grabe, soooo weird! I mean, DUH, it`s KB doing it to ME.

Ka-engotan # 2: So, after a while of that drama, I went back there (to the window) to talk to Martina and the others. He was just outside the window, and that`s what I know--- until when I went back outside, guess where he`s sitting...

ON MY CHAIR.

~~PUTANG INANG~~ MATINDI DIBA.

Sa tingin nyo naman, anong iisipin co na nun. Kanina pa weird ang pinagkikilos nya.

Reminder: ka luwag luwag ng finance, he can run around, thrash about. Dun pa nya naisipang umupo. And to think na yung grupo co lang yung andun ha. He looked like kawawa talaga dun, kasi he really has no one to talk to.

So I went back there, and took the chair beside him a little away from him, and another deadma. Pero magkatabi pa din kami. So close pa din. But deadma me. But, promise, I`m really rehearsing my lines in my head. Kaso, I end up ~~not saying anything.~~

He kept on looking at me, staring at me, as if he`s really waiting for me to say something. Or something like that. You know that feeling? It`s sooooo awkward, and nagpapakiramdaman lang kayo, kung sinong papalag.

I`m trying to laugh it all off that time, pero deep inside, I`m soooo dying. I mean, this is the moment, gaga!! Sya mismo yung lumalapit. Sya. Ayan na. Sa tabi mo. And my hands are soooo getting cold. Soooo getting cold. I`m feeling numb, the words in my tongue ready to come out...

And when I was ready to face him, he went to the CR.

He went to the damn CR.

Locked the door.

And stayed there for a very, very, very long time.

Promise!

Hinihintay talaga namin syang lumabas, he`s so tagal. :(

Then, paglabas nya, he went back to the chair sa tabi ng window. :((

Ka-engotan # 3: I went back to the window, just because. But really, Martin was there na, and he was pushing me to KB. Then we were laughing a lot, I was even laughing when I said, "Excuse me!" to him. TO HIM. And he so much gave way, he went behind us. I wasn`t just looking at his face, I didn`t see his reaction. ~~SHET~~.

Martin and I were talking a little away from us, and he wasn`t just glancing; he was watching us. All the while. Then, when I looked at him, he was stomping his feet, and feeling his temple--- as if desperate, as if tensed.

Then I went to Martina and said, "Martina. Ano? Halika na."

He went to his friend and said the same thing. Exactly the same thing. And he was behind me.

Then they went out first. And I just looked at him, walking away.

~~OMG~~.

When I accidentally looked up sa oras sa platform ng Gilmore station? It was 17:40 something in military time.

So that`s it. The super perfect moment. God given hour. My answered prayer. 11:11 wish granted. It was sooooo perfect, so everything--- nakasalalay lahat dun. And I just let it slip away.

Let it slip away.

Nothing else matters. I so regret it until now. It`s so hard to get over it. Sa sobrang hindi co talaga matanggap, hindi aco nakatulog nung gabi nun. As in.

Hindi co masabing, okay lang, may next time pa. Kasi ayun na yun ee--- it felt like a one time big time opportunity ee. I almost had him. ALMOST. It was soooo easy to talk to him, kasi even I can feel it--- if I try talking to him, he won`t be suplado anymore. He looked very open that time.

Pero, at the same time, ~~tangina~~ naman diba. I even told Martin this: "Bakit aco pa yung dapat maging lalake?" Bakit aco pa dapat yung mag-start ng conversation? He`s obviously waiting for me to talk! And why should it be me? Shouldn`t that be like, he`s gonna do the first move?

I remember Carla telling me, "Alam mo ate, babae talaga dapat ang gumagawa ng first move."

ARGHHHH.

I hope y`all are there to witness the most stupid thing I`ve ever done. I hope you`re there to observe us. And I`m sure eto lang ang masasabi nyo.

"Ee ~~gago~~ pala tong dalawang to ee. Tila tanga! Ayaw pang mag-usap, ee obvious na obvious naman!"

Sabi ni Carla, "Pano ate, kung hindi naman pala ganun? Pano kung coincidence lang ang lahat? Pano kung di naman pala ganun yung iniisip nya?"

Mas masakit sa part co. :(

Kasi naman Kolja Boy, bakit ba pabigla bigla?? Hindi aco prepared, pramis!

Kaya pala puro 17, kaya pala bumulong si Mother Nature.

Nung gabi, I was thinking, damn it Bia, is that you?? Is that you, hands sweaty, saying OHMYGOD all the time, not being able to say anything when it`s so easy for you to talk to strangers? Akala co ba, you`ll do anything? Akala co ba, impossible is nothing? Akala co ba, just do it?

OHMYGOD. I`m soooo sorry KB! :(

** Lahat talaga ng mga panaginip co nagkakatotoo. Eversince. :) Ee one time, napanaginipan co si KB, I was walking, then he caught up with me, and bumped me then he grinned. He was sooo cheerful, so happy. Then he stretched out his hand and said, "Hi, I`m KB." then we shook hands, little chat, then he went to his friends, and he said, "Ge, kitakits!" then I was rushing to Martina and others, raving about it.

And I was thinking, damn it, that was that moment. :(

Sana talaga, magising aco kinabukasan, first day of finals na lang ulit. Tapos, pag nangyari yun, I`ll say to him, "Damn it, let`s get this over with." then kiss him.

If hindi pa nya inapprove yung friend request co sa FS, I`m gonna die na talaga. :(

5:57 PM
|

DAMN, THAT`S HOT!

** before anything else folks, my spilling paints is updated. I do need your comments on the latest poems and quotes I have there. THANKS! :)

I`m gonna have my SE K850i this week!

Unexpectedly, uuwi yung isang kasamahan ni Tatay. So ayan, we`re gonna switch phones. HOORAH, HOORAH. :)

I gotta buy a bigger byte MC for it, though, cos kuya`s gonna get the 1GB. But, whatev. I`ll have my cybershot phone na. haha. :))

Magpa- papel photog na co. YOUUUUUU!!! :))

On the other hand...

So can`t wait for summer! I`m so stressed with school works and with my other blockmates, and I so can`t wait to hit EWOOD and the BEACH. Oh man! :) And, I have lotsa plans. Lalala. Hair makeover--- I`ll have fringes! Like Andy`s in The Devil Wears Prada. Sooooo excited. :)

Then, pagdating ni Tita, super travel again. Ohyea, ohyea.

Then, maybe, I could reach out to Kolja Boy, cos it`s summer, and it`s in FS. So malay natin diba. :) Yipee, yipee. :)

Well, I think I so deserve all of this. Nagpapakahirap talaga acong mag-aral. :)

I`ll stop the world and melt with you. :)

12:59 PM
|

I now see Kolja Boy (former: Cook) on regular basis. Yipee :). This is starting to be super fun. Though, I really don`t wanna assume, cos I`ve been asking signs from Papa God all the time, and it`s so otherwise of what`s happening.

But I wish, what`s true is what`s happening, and not the signs. :)

SATURDAY (Last week when I was with Nikko)

Super small world! Nikko knows Monkey Boy (real nickname for the guy, who
happens to be the "bro"/ superkaduper close friend of Kolja Boy). I was so surprised he went to our table and greeted him. They`re chums. :)
Monkey Boy: Uy, Nikko. *stretched out a hand to clap*
Nikko: *clapped MB`s hand* Uy... pareeee.. *with the i-can`t-believe-you`re-here look*
Blah blah. I bowed my head down, and remained silent while they were talking. And all the while, MB`s staring at me. Can you imagine?? Sa loob loob ko lang talaga, ~~putangina~~ ~~putangina~~ ~~putangina~~...
MB: Ikaw ha, nakikipaglandian ka dito ha. *stares at me*
Me: *looked at him, then bow down*
N: *laughs* Hindi, kaibigan ko lang to. Pare, yun---
MB: *looked at me, beamed, then looked at Kolja Boy* ahhh. Friend lang.
N: Pare, yun ba talaga ang perception nyo sa mga lalakeng pumupunta dito? *smile*
OHMYGODI`MGONNADIE.
*awkward silence*
N: ay, nga pala. Pare, si Bianca nga pala.
MB: *smiled, saluted* Monkey Boy (but he said his name, syempre. haha).
Me: *beamed*
I was really about to shake his hand, kaso grabe, he was so cool I was intimidated. haha!! :)) So, I just smiled, and stared at each other for a long time. Syempre, I was expecting him to say something, ee I think sya rin, kaso ayun. :)
Then after a while, he went back to their table. I didn`t notice KB! He had his back on us. Hmm. :)
Then after a while again, they transferred to the table beside us, tapos si KB is sitting na kapareho ng posisyon ko. :) Kaso we have to go ee, it`s getting late na kasi. :)
So with that, I wonder why they have to transfer to the other table, ee the table they were before is their usual spot there. Then, I wonder why MB gave that kinda reaction. HMM. :)
WEDNESDAY
We went to BM (Burger Machine) to buy Sansrival, and at least chill for a while after swimming kasi. Pagtingin co sa Yellow Wall, KB and his friends, as usual, are there. When he saw me, he bowed down to his friends and muttered something, then all of a sudden, they all looked at me! And all the while we`re there, they kept on looking at me. KB even went on a table closer to BM, and nagkasabay nga kami ng tingin ee. :)
Teka, did he just looked at me with a smile? :D
FRIDAY
Amidst the hustle bustle of reviewing for our oral exam in Philo, he passed by. We looked at each other, then went back to each other`s business. Kunwari deadma aco. I even write stuffs kunwari, and continue discussing stuffs to Martina and Matrina. :) Then.
him: *ahem*
me: *ahem, ahem*
martina: *laughs* yun yung usap nyo no. Ano yun ibig sabihin nun?
me: ... ILABYU..
us: HAHA!!! :))
matrina: pero Bianca, kanina pagdaan nya, tumingin sya sayo. Yung, ganun o. *demo*
Know the pa-simple look? Using the corner of you eye? Ganun. :)

It could only mean two things, especially when his friends looked at me ee: "Hey, that girl`s crushing me. KADIRI." or, "Hey, that`s the girl of my dreams." haha. :)) Two extreme, and I hope it`s the latter. ;)

And oh, sa buong barkada nya, sya lang ang walang GF! Iniisip co nga, baka lalake gusto nun ee. :)) Ohwell, whichever, talo pa din kami. ;) And his shoutout in FS? "It`s tough to stay single in this world where everybody expects you to be with somebody". HMM. Okay aa. :)

LALALA! :)

10:10 AM
|

lost then back together.

Funny how I enjoy better friendship with Nikko now than before. Maybe because my heart is with someone--- but think about it: relationships are so better appreciated when you are not expecting anything. It feels so good to be with the person when you`re not expecting for a romantic relationship to bloom. It`s easier to breathe, move and laugh when you`re not worrying that he might get turned off.

For the past few years, my friendship with Nikko felt like I`m in a springboard. In a moment, I`m ready to jump; in another, I`d rather not. It`s like a roller coaster too--- sometimes, it feels like we`re up to something more than just friends--- another time it`s cold and boring. It has been very confusing; I`ve given up the fact that we can be together long time ago, but sometimes it feels like it needs a second chance... and another second chance.

But now it`s different. The ship felt lighter. I joke, he laughs. We talk about from him having an ex- girlfriend from my school to criticizing Jun Lozada and the ZTE scandal. We go out with no strings attached, with me never feeling butterflies, with me enjoying only that moment.

And I like this better than it was before. I`ve realized, you`ll appreciate the person easier when you step out of the thought on jumping into a romantic relationship with him. That exact thought spoils the essence of what your relationship is now. So it`s better never to assume and expect. Cos that kills big time. :)

9:16 PM
|

CARPE DIEM.

CARPE DIEM.
Live the life you imagine.
Forget about what other people say... it`s your life.
Put no limitations, no boundaries.
Do the unexpected things.
Today is God`s gift.
Seize all the chances given to you.
Draw your own destiny.
No one, no one can ever overpower you.

Okay ba? Pauso co yan ee. :))

3:02 PM
|

i both don`t have time && drive to write an entry. though i have lotsa stuffs to tell you. haha. ironic me. :))

so anyway, here are the updates.

with MR. COOK:

Nothing much actually. :) Wala na acong move since the hairnet incident. Nagkakasalubong kami in corridors, in unexpected places, in expected places--- but that`s it. Until now we`re not acquainted, && Martin looks like he has forgotten the favor I asked him. BAAAAHHH. I`m starting to lose interest. haha! Oh please, me. :) Here I go again.

SADYA O HINDI SADYA? (tell me)

When he sees me sitting on the table in front of their lab, he`ll always go out to drink in the drinking fountain. DEHYDRATED ba sya at hindi mapawi sa isang inuman ang uhaw nya? Then he`ll look at me. When I look back, he`ll look away.
Nung Wednesday, I was alone && sitting on the same table, looking for him at the lab, when he suddenly walk in with another varsity player. The usual. He`ll look at me. When I look back, he`ll look away. Oh crap. Then he went inside && sat on a chair aligned to where I am sitting. Para maganda ang view ba kamo? :)) I was reading while listening to my mp3 that time ee. When I glanced at him, he was listening to his ipod na, and sitting exactly the same position I am sitting. what the heck.
Wednesday pa din, after swimming. Suuuuper destiny! We are heading towards BM (Burger Machine) and he was there with his friends. They all looked at me and smiled, && laughed. The other one sorta pointed me && Cook looked at me. Nung nagsalubong kami, parang wala lang. I even put my chin high--- kala nya sya lang ang maangas. :)) Nung makalagpas na, sabay kaming lumingon. :))
Kahapon, game nila against St. Paul Manila (there`s an on going league for all St. Paul schools in the Philippines, held on our school. Nuod kayo one time. ;)). Gayle (a new found friend) turns out to be friends with Cook, && she said that he is not suplado. So ano yung behavior nya nung tinanong co kung kanya yung hairnet? Nahihiya? What the heck. So anyway, ayun. Gayle called him, and he looked at me (magkatabi kasi kami ni Gayle ee), then lumapit. Papansin ng todo. May palapit lapit pang nalalaman.
Then nung warm up, before he shoots, he looks at me. Buti naman pasok lahat. :)
But nung game proper, he made a fool of himself. Kinakabahan siguro. The rest of the game, he`s a benchwarmer.

BANJO:

Casually, nakakapag-usap naman kami. Though, he`s not as enthusiastic as he is before. Ewan co ba dun. I even asked for food, kaso hindi sya nagtira. So yun. Wala ding food. :)) As always, cute pa din naman sya. :))

A NEW GUY:

~~Glenn~~ was my co-youth camper in my Tito`s youth camp nung 2004. Actually, hindi naman kami close talaga. In fact, once in a blue moon lang sya kung mangamusta. What`s significant about him was he was our crush (Lay, me && Dek). As in, high almighty sa ka-gwapuhan at kabaitan yun, as far as I could remember. ;)

Nagulat na lang aco, nung Saturday last last week, he texted me saying:

Hi bianca? Mzta? St. Paul kpla ngaaral nung year muna? Pnta q dun mnsan if u want.. Pra mkpgkwen2han tau mnsan. Sn St. Paul ka? If ok lng dn sau.. hehe.. takecare..

Unexpectedly, last week Wednesday, nagkita kami sa LRT. Ayun, nilibre nya co, tapos nagkwentuhan nga kami. MAYGOLLY, mas matangkad pa co sa kanya. Naka-slippers na co nun ah. Hindi talaga kinaya ng powers co na pag-abutin. :)) Pero grabe, mas gumwapo sya. :))

Nung Saturday that week, he texted my cousin && asked kung naikwento co na daw yung tungkol sa nagkita kami. Blah blah. And you know what he said about me?

Okay naman sya kahit noon pa ee.

Maganda nga sya.

Okay, I give in. :))
Ang nakakatawa, he was sooo like high almighty nun, tapos ngayon he`s there, in front of me. Kulang na lang he`ll scream, "Come on Bianca, love me!!!"

My cousin (Allysa) && I have the same problem now. Humiling kami kay Papa God ng isang lalaki lang... bakit andami namang dumating? And hello. Sabay sabay pa. :))

on the QE:

Nahirapan talaga aco dun sa battery exam. I kept on thinking how the hell the other block said that it was easy. && the results will come out this Friday. I`m super scared. :( Bukod sa digicam, my life also is at risk.

nung BALENTAYMS:

Herlz, Bia B. && She were soooooo sweet! They gave us butterfinger, a heart phone chain && a rose. Super sweet. :) Okay na co sa balentayms na ganun. ;)

2:07 PM
|

impossible is nothing.

"it`s sometimes better to admire something or someone from afar rather than to get up close. it saves people from disappointment. i make wishes on 11:11 and they actually come true once in awhile. coincidence? probably."

Martina shared this to me through IM this evening. Amazing is, it strucked me, as if this statement was for my situation with Mr. Cook. Exactly the advice I think I would hear if I ask for clarity. :)

But then I thought, no, this is not right. I should be fighting. I should never quit. I should at least try before giving up.

~~Regret~~ is one tough cookie. I know cos I`ve been through a lot of disappointments. That`s why I`m not stopping my impulse. If I want something said, or done (especially for the sake of love)--- I do it in a snap, like jumping off the cliff with my eyes closed. I think every single damn thing we do is exactly like that, and it`s better that way.

So with Mr. Cook, I`m taking my chances. Disappointment with what has been done is easier to bear && fleet than the disappointment of not being able to do it. I`ve always been stupid with love, && I will be--- at least, I`ve done everything I can to make it happen.

And I know that I`ll learn a lot through the process, even if I fail to hook him. ;)

9:14 PM
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